


House Hunting

by Schalakitty



Category: Welcome to Night Vale
Genre: Cecil is Mostly Human, M/M, Spoilers for the San Francisco Live Show Episode, Typical Night Vale Weirdness
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-09-30
Updated: 2013-09-30
Packaged: 2017-12-28 02:08:38
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 833
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/986404
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Schalakitty/pseuds/Schalakitty
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Cecil and Carlos take the first step in starting their new life together in typical Night Vale fashion. (Spoilers for the San Francisco Live Show Episode.)</p>
            </blockquote>





	House Hunting

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks to my girlfriend and beta reader [WickedOrin](http://archiveofourown.org/users/wickedorin/pseuds/wickedorin) for letting me bounce ideas off her for this fic.

Carlos really should've known that buying a home in Night Vale would not be simple. Not in a place where people thought that _spines_ could buy condos. Still, wandering the Scrub Lands in borrowed camo with his boyfriend isn't what he expected when Cecil mentioned house hunting. But the radio host is just so _adamant_ about doing things correctly that he can't bring himself to complain. 

Kneeling down, Cecil observes the ground closely, tracing over teardrop-like tracks. With a nod, he leads them deeper into the dry grass, moving slowly and carefully, gaze sweeping back and forth across the horizon and occasionally aided by binoculars. He pauses, hand going to Carlos' shoulder to silently stop him before pointing out their newly acquired prey. 

A spread of antlers is the first hint they get, just before the mule deer raises its head as it takes another step. The stag lurches through the tall grass, its stomach dissented down far enough to almost touch the ground. Languidly, it chews its cud, oblivious to being watched so very intently. 

“That's what we want,” Cecil whispers, passing the binoculars over so that the scientist can see for himself. His hands immediately move to his crossbow, threading the rope cocker through the stalk and setting the clips before burying the stirrup into the ground and securing it with his foot as he draws the string in place, locking it there with the click of the safety's gate. He hands the cocker to Carlos, eyes still fixed on the deer while mentally calculating the distance between them. Drawing a single black bolt fitted with a deadly silver hunting broadhead from the quiver, he slides it into the rail and sets it flush against the string with the ease of muscle memory. Cecil attempts to line up the shot through the scope at first... and then decides that he doesn't want to take _any_ chances. 

Carlos takes in a sharp breath, completely fascinated by the floating Eye of swirling violet light that suddenly blinks into existence a mere inch in front of Cecil's forehead. Its illumination reflects across his boyfriend's glasses and concealing his normal - but now also brightly glowing - eyes. He has a basic working knowledge of the Eye itself, in part from what he has been directly told and in part from what he has inferred. That it is more powerful inside the studio where there are sigils hidden under the worn carpet and runes carved into the microphone to amplify its reach. But even without them, Cecil is still adept at making use of that supernatural Sight, though he only does so rarely. It speaks to the _importance_ of the house hunt that he would open his Eye for this purpose. 

Through its All-Seeing Gaze, Cecil can make out every last detail of the animal even at 80 yards away, from the dark brown of its eyes to the fluff of its upright tail. He concentrates harder, Seeing how different shots might go, the variations playing out in the realm of possibilities that overlays on top of reality. It is only when he pulls the trigger that the wave function collapses down into a single certainty. 

The arrow sails through the air just as expected, cleanly piercing the deer through its heart and one lung. It jerks at the hit, groaning in pain as it collapses on the ground. His Eye snapping shut, Cecil tugs on the scientist's arm to get him moving again. Together they make their way to the kill, carefully avoiding the various rocks and obstacles and squirrel-sized scorpions that roam the Scrub Lands. Coming to the carcass, the radio host unclips a folded hunting knife from his belt, swiveling it open to reveal a chevron striped black and silver blade. 

Even if he is a little squeamish about it, Carlos goes to hold the deer steady as his boyfriend carves his way through its stomach. He holds his breath as the skin splits apart, hoping they were successful mainly so they don't have to keep wandering the desert in search of bizarre Night Vale wildlife. But then there is the distinct squish of the shifting of organs just before a hard thump as a woman rolls out of the deer's abdomen. 

She blinks up at the darkening sky for a few moments before her eyes focus. Even then, they are still a little glassy and her smile rather vacant but pleasing. Sitting up, she brushes the various bits of dead deer from her red blazer and matching skirt before addressing the men before her, “Well, good evening, gentlemen! I'm Colleen Fortier of the Greater Night Vale Reality Association. How can I help you achieve the dream of home ownership?” 

Without hesitation, Cecil informs smoothly, “We're interested in finding a duplex or possibly a bungalow. Maybe an apartment if we can't find what we want in our price range, but square footage is an important consideration.” 

“Just _anything_ but a condo,” Carlos adds quickly.

**Author's Note:**

> This was my first time posting Night Vale fic but I was so inspired by what I heard from the San Francisco Live Show and was so amused by the mental image of Cecil and Carlos hunting a deer to find a realtor after their big decision to get a home together that I had to share. Also, I threw in a little personal Cecil headcanon for fun.
> 
> Disclaimer – I am neither a hunter nor an archer but I really liked the headcanon of Cecil hunting Librarians with a crossbow in [IntialA's](http://archiveofourown.org/users/InitialA/pseuds/InitialA) [The Space Between](http://archiveofourown.org/works/945135/chapters/1844573) and decided to work with that idea. I did consciously streamline the deer's death and omitted the 30 minute waiting period for it to bleed out but tried to be accurate otherwise. Apologies for anything else I got wrong!


End file.
